Abstract:

How the basic principles of wise investing may be applied to dating.   

Content Highlights:

In a dating relationship, we are investing ourselves and our divine gifts. 

Start with something good to invest: make yourself a good partner.

Give each new person and relationship a clean slate. 

 

Wise Investing Applied to Dating 

The scriptures contain a parable about talents. The moral is that the wise servant was the one who invested his Master's gift of the talents wisely in order to gain an increase for Him.

In other ways, we are taught about gaining an increase with what we are given and about being added upon.

It seems to me that an easy way to apply this principle to dating is to look at it as making an investment of our divinely given gifts and us into a relationship with someone else.

Step One

First, you have to have something good to invest. This means you need to 'get your ducks in a row'. Make yourself a good partner first.Consider those things you seek out in a date/mate. Do you, yourself, possess those traits? Are you the type of person that you seek?


Have you healed from past disappointments? Have you forgiven the ones who came before for what you believed they did wrong, and let go of the pain and loss and disappointment? Have you forgiven yourself?

Are you ready, willing, and able to fully commit to a right match, when they come along? Are you actively seeking wholeness of self; or are you using your pain/loss as a crutch to remain in your comfort zone, or a shield to keep you from risking being hurt again?

Step Two

Second, you need to do your homework. Figure out what kind of risk-tolerance you have, and then seek out that level of investment. This means if you have no tolerance for certain attributes, for Pete's sake, don't date someone who has them! Seek out those dates that have the traits and characteristics that fit your 'risk-tolerance' (don't drive you crazy). If you don't want to 'fix' someone, don't date 'fixer-uppers'.

The most productive way to look at this phase is to seek out the positive qualities you seek, first: then look at their negatives and weigh them against the positives. Any particular negative not only has various degrees to it, but also may be counter-balanced by positives. Learn what your own tolerances and deal-breakers are, but be willing to accept people as complete packages.

No one is perfect, and when we become involved with a person, we take upon ourselves their family, their lives, their past, and their circumstances. Be sure you are ready, willing, and able to do that with whatever individual you choose to pursue a relationship with.

Step Three

Third, regularly contribute to your investment and regularly assess it. Is it benefiting you? Is it showing a return/increase? Or are you investing your own God-given gifts and talents in a losing investment? Are you being sucked dry and going nowhere? Are you spinning your wheels in your relationship?

Are you doing what you need to in order to show a profit? After doing your part to make the investment pan out, if there is no way to get a good return on your investment, it is best to pull out before you lose all you started with, and all the potential you were inherently given.

Step Four

Fourth, if you end up pulling out and starting over, learn from your past experiences, but don't project them onto your new opportunities. Projecting onto them will only end up making you sabotage your own efforts, and see negative where there is none. No one can win when the 'new investment' is continually being expected to turn out to be just like the old ones. People see what they want to see, and if what they expect to see is whatever they lost on before, no matter what the new 'investment' truly is, that loss from before is all that will be seen. Give each new person and relationship a clean slate.

If you end up satisfied with your investment: hold on to it! Ride out the ups and downs, and watch the overall performance exceed your wildest dreams.

 

Did You Know?

"It follows that if one partner loves being romanced and the other completely ignores his/her partner's need, the couple has a problem and that frustration will grow over the years." from psychologytoday.com

Test for Relationship Satisfaction

Psychology Today online has a test available for assessing your relationship satisfaction here